This is not the typical kind of advice you hear.
If you want a man to truly miss you, think about you and desire you, but you DON’T want to work for him (because it’s exhausting and you shouldn’t have to work for his love).. then you’ll want to watch this video OR read this article.
Video Transcription:
Hello Sassy Beauties, this is Katie and Happy New Years Everybody. It’s 2020 and I can’t believe the year has gone so fast and it’s a new year already. I’m super pumped to make this new video for all you beautiful ladies out there, so today’s video I’m going to talk about how to make a man miss you and think about you… but this is going to be a very unconventional video.
If you think about how often you think about men, how often you obsess about them, wonder about them, wanting to understand them, it’s probably a pretty big chunk of time. A lot of you won’t want to admit that but you’re spending a couple of hours a day thinking about men (often ALL DAY)… one of the things I don’t want to keep promoting is this constant focus on men because that in itself is unhealthy.
This video is all about you beautiful girl.
And that’s really the only thing you have control over anyway.
You can’t control men. Sorry I know that’s tough to hear for a lot of you. You want to know you can control men, you can gain some kind of power over them, some kind of advantage over men, to feel superior, a lot of you really secretly want that I know you do.
The harsh truth is, we cannot control men, we can only control ourselves, so this video will be no different.
Let’s focus on what you can control so you can get results in your life.
Misconceptions: Working For Love?
A lot of women have this idea that they need to work for love, they need to work for men, they need to work for that attention, that acceptance, that love and that is so toxic ladies.
It just doesn’t work that way. You’ll burn yourself out and you’ll feel even worse about yourself and you’ll never get anywhere.
Love should be easy, I tell all of my clients this.
Love should be easy, men should be easy, to get love from a man should be easy, it should be as easy as the air that we breathe. It should just happen naturally.
Before We Can Make A Man Miss Us, You Must Love Yourself
Here’s an example:
Imagine it is a cold winter’s night, you see a cabin up ahead, you walk into the cabin and in the corner of the cabin is a fireplace – a roaring fire is going – spraying beautiful orange light across the room and there’s warmth coming from that fireplace.
Most of us would just naturally gravitate towards the fireplace. We just make a beeline for it … the thing is with that fireplace, it is just nature. It’s just beautiful the way it is, that fireplace – the roaring fire doesn’t have to pretend to be something it isn’t.
It doesn’t have to sing and dance and try to learn about people, try to coax them and manipulate them to come over to stand near it. People just do.
That’s what I want you to really understand. If you consider that the roaring fire, which is a part of nature, has a spirit. It moves. It animates. And it has energy, sparks energy. It has a spirit but it doesn’t have a conscious mind. It doesn’t think. It can’t analyze. It can’t strategize. It can’t look at people and think: how
can I get this person to do that and what does this mean, what does
that mean, it doesn’t have a conscious mind to do that and… it’s still
beautiful.
And because it doesn’t have a mind to think, it can just be. It can just roar. It could be a fire and be beautiful the way it is.
Now consider people on the other hand… we have a spirit as well. We have energy, we’re creating energy. Whether we’re asleep or awake, we’re
generating energy.
However, we do have a conscious mind. We think. We analyze.
We create a lot of noise in our heads about what’s going on around us and often that noise, that voice, gets in the way of us just being able to be.
But if you consider for a moment, you removed your conscious mind, just removed all the language and all the thoughts and you just quiet down
and you sit there and you just are… you just be… that is beautiful in itself.
Just like a roaring fire. That’s what I want you to embody. That’s why I want you to consider that you have value.
You have intrinsic value and I know as women in society in 2020 that is the challenge. How do you be a person in the world in a world that’s very hierarchical.
We need to slot in somewhere. We have to be in a certain position in society. There the lowest ranking to the highest ranking and we all kind of fall somewhere in the middle there.
How can you live in a society like this and still appreciate your intrinsic worth without having to go out there and do a bunch of stuff? That is the challenge of being a woman or a man in today’s society.
And the biggest tragedy is when women forget this and they think they have to go out and do a bunch of stuff, they have to do stuff, they have to work for that love. They have to work to feel their worth. That’s the greatest tragedy and I want to be a reminder that that’s not how it works. You’re going about it the hard way, the long way.
With that said, the first thing we must do to make a man miss us… is to really remember… really remember our inner worth.
We need to deeply love ourselves, love our soul and our spirit. That’s challenging but it can be done and one of the things that plays into really loving ourselves and our spirit… is having a deep understanding of who we are.
Step 1: Recognize Your Relationship Pattern
One thing you should really pay attention to is your own relationship pattern. When women become stressed, we get hyper sensitive about details. We become very detail-oriented and we tend to narrow our focus.
It’s like looking at a photo on your computer screen and blowing that photo up so you’re zoomed right into the freckles and the pimples – if you’re looking at a face.
You’re zoomed so close to the details you lose the bigger picture. That’s what happens with women when we become stressed, so if you start to notice yourself going okay it’s 12:30pm …it’s lunchtime and my man still hasn’t messaged me and he usually has lunch between 12:00pm and 1:00pm and he usually knocks off work from 6:00pm, so he should be free between 12:00pm and 1:00pm and 6:00pm to 10:00pm… then what is he doing?
Why hasn’t he messaged me?
If you start to notice that, first of all, why do we even notice the time? Why are you nitpicking at the time or if you start to notice okay tonight he didn’t message he didn’t end the message with I love you like he normally does, something must be wrong. He is a little bit shorter today than he was yesterday. He said five words less than he said yesterday.
If you start to do that and you start to count the time, count the words and you start nitpicking about the words someone uses, being super detail-oriented, that’s a clue you’re stressed about something.
It’s not about him. It has nothing to do with him, it’s within you and your emotions that is not right, there’s an upset, an imbalance there.
It’s really important you know this and you pay attention to that. Don’t do the knee-jerk thing that just about every woman does and say oh it’s him okay I have to fix him, I have to change him, I need to do more whatever.
We think automatically: he’s not doing XYZ, how do I get him to do XYZ. No. Stop. Slow down and look inward here. What’s going on? Why am I stressed?
First notice you’re stressed. If you’ve started to nitpick about little things, you’re stressed about something.
The second thing is don’t go to him.
Step 2: Don’t Go To Him
Like I said, a lot of us women, we have that knee-jerk reaction. As soon as we feel stressed, maybe you don’t even feel stressed, you just think it’s him.
You immediately point the finger at him. We go directly to him. We go directly to the guy and we send him a message, we ask him a question, we ask for confirmation, we ask for approval, we ask for something and there is a whole myriad of creative ways women seek attention.
You can be loving, you can be sweet, you can be funny, you can be bitchy, you can be slightly cold distant. But what it all comes down to is you’re trying to do something, a tactic, to get his attention to get him to respond, to get him to say something to you. We need to stop doing that. That is what you need to stop doing.
In that moment you may get that response. You’re training yourself and him that you’re becoming emotionally dependent on him because what is really going on underneath the surface is you’re saying:
I don’t know how to deal with my inner emotional world so I’m going to come to you and get YOU to solve my problem for me.
If only you told me you loved me, you missed me, you would take me out for ice cream, reassure me then I feel better.
A lot of women fall into that trap of becoming dependent on their man to fix their emotional world. It sneaks up on you because it works the first couple of times and you’re like YES! and then you get addicted. It becomes a habitual pattern and you’re buying into that and that creates a negative cycle.
In the short term it may gain a little bit of positive reward but in the long run.. you know what happens in the long run? It starts to drain a guy. He starts to get annoyed, this is when a guy says to you:
Look stop stop annoying me. Stop doing this. Stop doing this. Or else we’re gonna break up. Stop acting needy and clingy. You’re acting like a bitch right, you’re acting emotional. I can’t handle this. And then he pulls away. He starts to rebel.
Maybe it worked the first couple of times and he reassured you but after a while it starts to go against you. It turns against you and now he starts to rebel.
This happens when you make him responsible for your emotions, emotions you have completely neglected because your default was to go to him to solve it instead of going into your inner world to fix it.
Don’t make him your emotional parent… to change your emotional nappies for you. We have to learn to change our own nappies, to wipe our own ass and flush their own shit away. That is becoming an emotional adult.
The third thing is to get to the root of the problem.
Step 3: Find Root Of The Problem
It’s really important you recognize when you’re stressed, you don’t go to him immediately and then you go to the source of the problem. The source of the problem is what is really the problem.
This requires a bit of introspection. This requires you sitting down with yourself, taking a moment or two or five or an hour to think, to feel, to be present with yourself and ask yourself the question:
Why am I stressed? What is making me stressed? What is making me unhappy? What is the problem? What is the real problem?
What you’re essentially doing is you’re forcing yourself to step back and zoom out. Instead of focusing in on the little details and pointing the finger at your man, you’re going to zoom back instead and look at the bigger picture. You’re going to ask:
What in my life isn’t working? What am I not happy about?
And I know some of you will want to go to: what is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this?
All those questions won’t serve you.
If you keep asking: what is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get this this this? That doesn’t get you anywhere. That’s not productive. It’s not productive to ask what is wrong with me? Because you’re only going to come up with a list of things that are wrong with you and that will only make you feel worse.
When we do go inward and ask those questions be very very kind and gentle and compassionate please write don’t blame yourself, beat yourself up, pull out every negative quality, negative trait, negative result you have ever had in your life. Once you get to the root of the problem and you do it correctly, the outcome should always be positive.
Eg. A step forward. An action to take. Something you can control and has nothing to do is trying to get a guy to do X Y & Z but it’s something in your life that you can control. That could be even just be taking a bath and relaxing for a night. That makes you feel good.
So that’s how you know you’re on the right path. If you do something that was productive for you, that was helpful for you and it made you feel good, it made you feel a lot better than you did when you started the exercise, then you know you’re doing the right thing.
Lastly, As a RESULT…
And then lastly the natural result, the natural byproduct of doing these steps, is your man will call you, contact you and show you he cares. Provided he does care.
But even if he doesn’t care then all of these steps that I have just said will still serve you. They’ll serve you a lot more than knowing 10 manipulative tactics on how to get him to do XYZ in the moment; to temporarily give you a message back or show you a bit of interest but in the long run does absolutely nothing for you.
Don’t forget to love your spirit, your soul and just love that thing to death!
Have a great week and talk to you soon!
Katie