Dating in your 30s. It’s a challenge. It feels like all the good quality men are taken, married and have kids already, and the one’s left over are just NOT quality. Dating can be challenging at any age, but there is a turning point when you turn 30 and beyond that makes dating feel extra hard. Whether you’re dating, thinking about dating, or stepping back into the dating scene, I want you to be prepared for the landscape ahead.
The Negative Noise Gets Louder
Let’s address the fact that the negativity around dating ramps up once you hit your 30s. It’s like the floodgates open, and all you hear are horror stories, complaints, and nightmare experiences.
In your 20s, people are more naive, more hopeful, more open. They’re willing to try online dating, give people a chance, and just have fun. But in your 30s? The energy shifts.
People in amazing, drama-free relationships aren’t out there shouting about how happy they are. When I talk to my friends, I don’t go on and on about how great my husband is. Happy relationships don’t create gossip, and society doesn’t really encourage people to celebrate their love out loud. But you know what people do talk about? Their problems. Their frustrations. Their complaints. And that’s what gets amplified.
So if you’re stepping into dating in your 30s, you have to realize you’re walking into a very biased space. If you’re not careful, you might start absorbing all that negativity and unconsciously adopting it yourself. And trust me, that’s not the energy you want if your goal is a happy, healthy relationship.
Why Dating Feels Different Now
Here’s the complaints I hear from women:
- Why don’t men want to commit?
- Why do they disappear so fast?
- Why does it feel like no one puts in effort anymore?
- Why do men come with so much baggage?
One of the biggest myths floating around is that “all the good ones are taken” and that only the “leftovers” are still single. But let’s be real—that’s not true. Look around. There are plenty of people in bad relationships. There are plenty of immature people who have no business being in a relationship. The reality is, there are great people in relationships, and there are not-so-great people in relationships. And the same goes for single people.
What’s really happening is that people in their 30s have learned from their past relationships. They’ve seen what doesn’t work, and now they have non-negotiables. They have standards. They have a checklist of what they want and a list of red flags they refuse to ignore. And guess what? So does everyone else.
That means when you’re dating, you’re not just the one with the clipboard checking off boxes—other people are doing the same thing to you. And that’s why it can feel like men are being extra picky or running at the first sign of trouble. They’re evaluating you just as much as you’re evaluating them.
This is also why so many relationships fizzle out around the three-month mark. That’s the point where people start realizing, If I keep investing in this, I’m really getting attached. And because breaking things off gets harder the more time passes, a lot of people would rather end it early than get too deep and then have to break away later.
The Pressure is Real—But It’s Not Helping You
Now let’s talk about the pressure. Because once you find someone who actually checks your boxes? The stakes feel high.
Now you’re thinking, Wow, it’s so rare to meet a guy like this. I have to make sure I don’t mess this up. And suddenly, you start overthinking everything. You analyze your texts, you second-guess what to say, you watch hours of dating advice videos trying to figure out how to “do everything right.”
And men feel this pressure too! They know they have options. They know women are evaluating them just as much as they’re evaluating women. So they’re not rushing into commitment. They’re taking their time, weighing their choices, and, yes, dating multiple women at once.
And if a man decides you’re not the one for him? It’s easy to internalize that rejection and think, I must not be good enough. You start comparing yourself to other women, wondering what they have that you don’t. And before you know it, dating starts to feel hopeless.
Society’s Expectations and the Biological Clock
Then there’s the external pressure—especially if you’ve never been married or had kids and you want to.
Once you hit your 30s, society starts looking at you differently. There’s this unspoken judgment, like, Why aren’t you married yet? Why don’t you have kids? And if you want those things, the pressure intensifies. The biological clock becomes a real factor, and suddenly, dating isn’t just about connection—it’s about timelines.
But here’s the irony: The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder it becomes to find what you’re looking for.
The Simple Shift That Changes Everything
Dating in your 30s comes with its own set of challenges. But the solution? It’s actually simple.
Drop into compassion. Drop into your feminine energy. Realize that everyone is in the same boat. We all have baggage. We all have past experiences that shaped us. And we’re all just trying to do our best.
A little bit of optimism, a little bit of softness, and a little bit of understanding will take you so much further than frustration ever will.
Ali Wong actually touched on this in her latest comedy special—how one woman’s trash can be another woman’s treasure. There are men coming back onto the dating scene after divorces and breakups—not because something was wrong with them, but because their ex just didn’t fully appreciate them.
This happened with my husband. His ex had only ever been with him, so she had no real comparison. She didn’t realize how good she had it. But when he became single, I saw his value right away. Because I had experienced bad relationships. I knew a great man when I saw one, and I snatched him up.
So don’t let negativity cloud your perspective. The right man is out there. The key is showing up with the energy of appreciation—not resentment.
And if you’re serious about attracting and keeping high-quality men, and you want professional help? You might want to book a free call with me here.
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