In this video I’m going to share 7 signs that a man is not over his ex, and he’s most likely still SEEING his ex behind your back. Let me clarify, when I say “not over his ex”, I mean a man who still has ties, still attached or still harbours hope and want his ex back, but just HIDING it from you. Which I think is harder to spot, but more IMPORTANT to spot.
I know how painful it is to date someone who is not over their ex, and I’ve also helped hundreds of women empower themselves when it comes to dealing with an ex and the hurdles of a new relationship. These signs are based on real world examples and could save you from unnecessary pain in the future.
NOT SIGNS
First I want to talk about “not signs”, because there’s some confusion out there about these, and I seriously want to clear it up!
1 – He talks about or complains about his ex
2 – He confesses, “he’s not over his ex” as a reason why he’s being acting distant, less affectionate, less romantic
3 – He is triggered by things or places that has to do with his ex
These are signs of emotional BAGGAGE. It means he’s not over the SITUATION, not necessarily his ex. And it’s a huge distinction.
When I was dating my husband, he had some hang ups around sex. And this really affected my self-esteem, and we almost broke up over this. Now, we ended up working out and I can tell you what happened at the very end of this video, but it’s important to know that he wasn’t still ATTACHED to his ex, he had BAGGAGE over her, which then affected our relationship.
After a certain age, most people have an ex, most people have baggage from the past. This is really common. If you run away from people with baggage, you will always be running.
Sign #1: He Acts Like a Boyfriend—But Won’t Claim You.
This is a guy who does everything a boyfriend would do. He acts like a boyfriend. He introduces you to his friends and family, he builds this picture of a life together, and he talks about a future—vacations, houses, even pets. But when it comes down to making it official? He won’t do it. He won’t label the relationship.
Becoming someone’s boyfriend is not a hard ask. If he’s truly available, if there’s nobody else, and he’s investing in you, then what’s stopping him? The only reason a man would stall is if he’s leaving the door slightly open for his ex. Maybe she’s tossing him a bone every now and then—texting, asking for help—and he’s still holding onto hope.
So what does he do? He doesn’t want to be single and celibate just in case she comes back. No, he’s going to keep dating, keep escalating with you so you don’t leave—but he can’t fully commit either, because that would mean shutting the door on his ex. And his heart won’t let him do that.
Sign #2: He Catches Up with His Ex Every Now and Then.
Maybe they share a pet, a car, an apartment, or a hobby, and this is his excuse to stay in contact with her.
I used to do this when I was younger and naive. I’d tell new boyfriends upfront, “I’m friends with my ex, and if you don’t like it, we can’t date.” That was my stance—until I realized that keeping an ex in my life was inviting unnecessary drama into my new relationship.
When I met my husband, there was NO WAY I would have risked my relationship with him by staying friends with an ex. If you truly love and value someone, you don’t put them in a position where they feel second place. If your man is risking your relationship for his ex, he’s either clueless about the drama he’s inviting in—or he just doesn’t care. Either way, it’s a problem.
Sign #3: He Doesn’t Want to Have Sex with You.
Now, some men have strong opinions about sex—maybe for religious reasons. But if a man is truly into you, he will still have urges. He will still want to be intimate with you. Unless…he’s already getting it somewhere else.
If he’s sleeping with someone else, he can’t sleep with you at the same time without violating his own moral compass. So if he’s pulling back physically, ask yourself: is he getting it from someone else?
Sign #4: He Suddenly Cancels Plans or Disappears.
Everything was set. You were supposed to meet up on Saturday. Then suddenly, he ghosts. Stops replying. You’re left wondering what happened.
It’s highly likely his ex popped back into the picture. She needed something, reached out, and suddenly, he was gone. Be suspicious of a man who disappears like that.
Sign #5: He’s Unclear About His Schedule.
You ask him a simple question like, “What does your weekend look like?” and he can’t give you a straight answer. He’s vague, dodging, non-committal.
Why? Because he’s waiting on another woman. Probably his ex. He’s keeping his options open and trying to juggle his time between you and her.
Sign #6: He Still Helps His Ex Whenever She Needs Him.
If he’s constantly running errands for her, fixing things at her place, or dropping everything to help her—it’s a problem.
Either he’s not over her, or he’s a people-pleaser who can’t say no. Both are bad. If he’s prioritizing her over you, he’s choosing her over you.
Sign #7: You Set a Boundary, and He Says No.
You tell him, “I’m not okay with you still being friends with your ex.” And he says, “Too bad, I’m going to keep doing it.”
That is the purest form of disrespect. If he genuinely cared about you, he would never risk your relationship for the one with his ex. The fact that he is willing to? It means you are the backup plan.
What Should You Do?
If you see these signs, call him out. Ask the hard questions: Are you still talking to your ex? Are you hiding it? Are you sleeping with her?
If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn’t be hiding it. And if he’s still holding onto hope for her? You deserve better than being someone’s second choice.
Want to know how to get a man to chase YOU?
Watch my free video here, and let’s make sure your next relationship is the one where YOU are the priority.
Enjoyed This Content?
- Don’t miss my videos by subscribing to my Youtube channel.